I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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