One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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