Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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