He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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