Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
