So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
