is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
