i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
