so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
