I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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