i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
