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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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