The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That's intense
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
