I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
