She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
