Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
