So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
