very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize