Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
