Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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