you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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