My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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