You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
