Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
