Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
