Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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