How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
