I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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