Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm both gender and math confused
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
