If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
