My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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