theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
