I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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