You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
