Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
