It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
