i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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