youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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