I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
