Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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