I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
