When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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