We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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