I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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