capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
