planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
