"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
