The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
