Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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