turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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